Honesty is Not Always The Best Policy

     Lately with some of the men that I have encountered , I'm noticing that they can't seem to keep their mouths shut. And I mean this in more of an annoying way. It's like they want to reveal their most deepest and darkest secrets to me right off the bat. Whatever happened to leaving alittle mystery. What I find funny, is this is the same trait that many men complain about us women, well I beg to differ.
      A couple of weeks ago I was dating a guy, lets call him "The Quoter", because he quoted everything from B movies, to country song lyrics, to even corny tv commercials. Anyway when I first met him he told me that he was ready for a serious relationship, and that he saw me as "The Potential Girlfriend". We went on very lavish dinner dates, had wonderful conversations (WHEN HE WASN'T QUOTING)! I was really starting to believe him, until I broke a rule, a very important rule. I asked him if he was dating any other girls?, "LADIES", never ask this question when you first meet a guy, because you don't really want to know the answer. TRUST!!!! Of course his answer was, YES, I'm actually dating three other women including you. I was shocked and appalled by his answer, I mean I could understand one other girl, but three other women including me, that's four women you are trying to have a potential relationship with. So I asked him, "Well I thought you wanted a serious relationship?" He answers, " I do." I asked, " but what about the things that you told me?" He answers, " Oh baby, I just told you what you wanted to hear!"
     In that very moment, men just keep your mouth shut, I mean what reaction do you honestly think a woman should give to you! Needless to say, I am no longer dating him, and to be honest I really couldn't stand his quoting to begin with. Since this is all about honesty, it was, very nerve wrecking!
     Another example of when men need to keep their mouth shut is, recently an old flame from my early twenties came back into the picture, he had just got stationed to Hawaii and wanted me to come visit him. He even said he would pay for my ticket and everything else. A free trip to Hawaii, come on now, I couldn't possibly pass that up. Well just last week, Mr. Military Man decides he needs to confess, he tells me that he wants to win his ex-girl back, which he tried several times and to his surprise she said no. Now he wants me to come visit him to make her jealous, as he is telling me this, I'm chuckling to myself, because if he would've just kept his mouth shut, I would've came visited, had a great time with him, and just left. Even though his intentions were to win his ex back, I would've never had to know.
     I'm not going to lie, when each guy told me the so-called truth, it kind of made me feel worthless and like I'm not good enough, but here is the thing, I am good enough! Even though, I would've rather not have heard such lame responses, I am glad I did, because now I can choose if I want to even put myself in those ridiculous situations. As people we love happy endings and we tend to walk blindly when it comes to the labors of love. We don't want to hear or see the truth, because it will shatter our hopeless romantic fantasies.

 As a woman who is almost thirty and who has been dating since the age of twelve, I completely understand how most of us tend to overlook the red flags, so we don't have to start the dating process all over again with somebody new. That's what dating is all about though, getting to know people and taking risks, because one day that perfect person for you will appear, but how will you ever know if you don't get out there and have some fun!!!!! By the way, no Hawaii trip for me. LOL!

Letting It Go

     I'll be 30 years old in 3 months and I'm really starting to reflect on my life a lot lately. At first I'm not going to lie it was negatively, wishing, wondering, and thinking how did my life become this. When I was 25 I thought by now that I would be married, living in a cute house, with maybe a kitty, puppy, or even a child. Well NEWSFLASH, total opposite, I'm living in a apartment that I really don't care for, totally and completely single  with no prospect insight, and I'm not even going to mention how many bill collectors call me on a daily basis. But there is one thing that I couldn't have predicted and that would be through all this I am HAPPY!!!!
     Instead of beating myself up for not marrying the nice guy that my mom tried to set me up with 2 years ago, or getting depressed because I partied my college years away and took for granted getting a college education. And even sometimes crying because I'm in a financial doozy and maybe if I had a husband my financial situation might be a little bit better. I've decided to embrace the things that I do have and choosing to change my life for the better. Now that I'm older I've decided to date differently, now that I know what I was put on this earth to do, it's time to make it happen. And now that I know how I got myself in a financial mess it's time to get out of it, and to not make those same mistakes ever again.
     See LADIES for once I'm LETTING IT GO! I use to always say it and really think I did just that, but I truly never did. Now that I'm leaving my twenties behind where I made some stupid mistakes, dated the bad boys, and just thought life was all about shopping, partying, and being gorgeous. I'm entering my thirties where I want to find HAPPINESS, my inner PEACE, and to live my LIFE with no regrets.

Why One Vagina is not Enough?

     Last night while out with friends, I asked that very same question. I mean don't they all look alike and feel the same, or am I clueless to the fact that some are bedazzled and some are bejeweled. Anyways back to the issue at hand, "Why One Vagina is not Enough?" Well it's simple, why would it be. I say this because, LADIES we have to understand the game. The game of dating that is. At one point in every woman's life she has asked herself, "Why do men cheat?" "What did I do wrong?" "How could he do this to me?" "When did he have time?" "Where did I go wrong?" Men are programmed from day one to be a Ladies Man, Mr. Playa, Pimp Daddy, and to enjoy the buffet of different women whether beautiful or ugly. Until they meet that one woman who will catch their eye to who they will want to settle down with.
        We know this LADIES, it's not a mystery, so why do we get so frustrated and mad when they let us down. Well because, we put so much faith and trust into someone who clearly is not perfect. In my early twenties I would get so depressed over dating and boys, it literally drove me insane. Things like getting stood up, Running into a bootycall and realizing he is holding a girls hand, but he just saw me last night, and yet that was the first time ever of me hearing about a girlfriend (whew, catch my breath), or meeting a guy and having an awesome time only for him to stop calling and become completely M.I.A. I've been there and it sucks, trust I know. (Plus I have done those very exact things to guys, but that's a whole other blog post.) Here's the thing you have to take those very experiences and move on. You might be thinking what is she talking about move on, it's not that easy. I'm here to tell you, YES IT IS! Don't blame guys for everything, especially while their in the early twenties.
      Let them be. Let them have all the vagina's their little hearts desire, LADIES guys need to sew their oats, have fun, and live the single life (AS SHOULD YOU). Now I'm not saying go sleep around and enjoy the act of casual sex, totally the opposite. We all know men are different then  us, so let them enjoy the single life by playing Mr. Pimp Daddy. Us LADIES on the other hand, lets get to know ourselves in a more positive and responsible way. Don't be the good time girl it doesn't work (I know), take this time of being single as a way to fully enjoy life. Because when it's all said and done, once guys mature and are ready to settle down you will be the prime candidate and here's the thing once you mature and  ready to settle down you will know you don't want a Mr. Pimp Daddy even if he's in retirement:)

Girl Code

     As women we are blessed to meet and become friends with other women who share similar interest and who also bring something different into our lives, OUR GIRLS! I have about 3 females that I consider my girls, I have their backs and I know that they have mine. I've had some experiences in the past when the girl code went completely out the window, sometimes due to my bad behavior and sometimes due to a friends bad behavior. Certainly in the past, the phrase girl code didn't have any meaning to it.
     First off lets define the phrase girl code. Girl code to me means, rules that are not meant to be broken especially when it comes to your friends. Rules like 1. Keepin it real at, all times. 2. Having her back, at all times. 3. And most importantly do not mess with her man, at all times. Why is it that the last rule I mentioned always seems to be broken. Well ladies I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, 1. Attention seeking, some women lets face it their night is completely ruined, not unless their ego is boosted. The sad part is, they probably don't even want that particular man they just want that particular fix. 2. Desperation, some women are afraid to be single for whatever reason they are willing to compromise friendships and relationships with people they care about just to have a connection with a man. 3. Jealously, ladies I say this as a warning, their are people in your life who claim that they care about you, but in their warped minds they are plotting against you and well sleeping with your man it's the perfect way to show you that you aint so perfect. I know this because, I've experienced all three senarios.
     I have been the girl who for that one night needed a guy to make my self esteem soar to the sky, no matter who it was and even if I knew he had a girl and even if possibly I knew who she was. There were times in my life where I tried to make connections with men who I knew use to date, mess, or even go with a girl that I knew, but hey I figured he's single, I'm single lets mingle. And I've had girls in my life purposely set out to destroy my connections with men just to spite me, (maybe it's karma).
     I know now it wasn't right, none of it. Ladies if a man is right for you, you wouldn't have to sneak, lie, or cheat just to be with him. You don't have to destroy friendships and relationships just to say you gotta man. And you certainly don't have to sell yourself short just to get your ego boosted.
     Have faith and patience that your perfect man meant just for you will appear at the right time, in the right moment. In the mean time learn ways to boost your own self esteem and own ego.
    
    

Daddy Issues

     Most of us have them, most are in denial, and most just don't want to admit it. Admit what, well daddy issues of course. Some might even ask, what if I don't know my father, or what if he was never around? Well sista I hate to break it to you, but your in the same category right along with us. Yes, I included myself, I'll be the first to admit that I have some serious daddy issues and still working through them.
     In my case my father was in my life and still is, in fact my parents have been married for twenty-nine years. My father has always held down a good job, provided for the family, and always has had my best interest at heart. Looking back I never had to want or need for anything, even to this day. But you see there was something always lacking, something that no amount of money and presents could ever replace and that was him. I needed him and all of him, his mind, heart, and soul. Reading this you might think, woman he is not your man, but your missing the whole picture. You see a father is suppose to be a little girls first positive male role model in her life. Your father is suppose to set the foundation of how you are to be treated by any man that comes into your life. Your father is suppose to be an example of what kind of man you eventually would want to settle down with. And most importantly your father is suppose to set the tone of how you think, feel, and treat yourself throughout your life. The sad reality is most little girls do not get that fairy tale father figure, including myself.
      Don't get me wrong I love my father very deeply and I know he loves me much more then I could ever dream of, but he will never show it, my father was and will never be an emotional person. It's hard because sometimes I wish he would tell me how beautiful I am, how proud he is, and that he loves me. But, he thinks and feels that I should already know this especially through his gifts and trips that he plans. I can count on one hand how many times my father told me I was pretty and I can count on one hand how many times he said I love you. My mother tried and tries to say the exact things, that I've always longed for my father to tell me, but it's not the same, because daughters need that father figure bond.
     When I was younger I looked for love and attention in all the wrong places, I wanted so bad for a male figure to love me that I sold myself short. I was so use to my unemotional dad and always fighting for his attention whether good and bad, that I didn't noticed I was selecting men for romantic relationships who possessed that same trait. Growing up I was so used to my nonexistent relationship with my father, well as an adult that's exactly what kind of relationships that I was envolved in, nonexistent. Once I got older, I figured out the negative cycle I was getting myself into and I knew I had to do something about it. What did I do you ask, I decided to work on my relationship with my father. I had to learn to forgive him and accept him for who he is. I know my father will never be like the dad from full house or leave it to beaver and I'm ok with that. I know my father loves me and is proud of me, he may not show it the way I want him to, but he does in his little way.
     I'm blessed that I am able to rebuild my relationship with my father, because I know many people who can't, and I say to them LET IT GO. Don't hold on to all that burden, hurt, or even anger. If your father is or was never around due to his neglect, well his loss. His loss that he didn't get to meet a strong, beautiful, and vibrant, daughter who would've lit up his life with her warm and contagious smile. We as women with daddy issues have got to move on whether it's accepting the situation for what it is and who they are or even forgiving them and most importantly forgiving ourselves. Now that I'm older I can't keep blaming my dad for what he didn't do when I was child, I look at what he is doing and how he is always there for me when the times get tough. I have to let go and let him in, because belive it or not my romantic relationships will suffer. Ladies I promise if you tackle this issue whether your dad is around or not, I promise a huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and you will be amazed at how your romantic relationships will become more positive. Daddy issues are so imbedded in us that we don't even realize it is an issue. And its more common then many people may realize.

Getting My Sexy Back

     Recently I attended a birthday party, where we induldged in some erotic fun. I mean yes, I got on the pole, the stripper pole that is. We also were taught very seductive lap dance moves, that made me wish I had someone to show them to. The whole experience was very sexually liberating and gave me a sense of sexual confidence that I never had felt before. There was a time in my life where I always didn't feel that way about myself, but I had alot of people fooled including myself.
    See when I was younger, I looked like I had it all, but the key word is LOOKED, I looked like I had it all. I was young firm and certain body parts stayed up when the clothes came off. My dating life (back then, not now) was at it's peak, boy after boy and date after date, life couldn't get any better then this, so I thought. I thought I felt confident, I knew I was sexy, I knew what the boys wanted, but why was there this lingering self doubt looming over my head, why did having the so-called perfect body, the silky jet black long hair, and the right it girl factor wasn't good enough. Well ladies because, IT'S ALL SUPERFICIAL! Superficial thoughts gain superficial results. The sad thing was I didn't learn about this til, guess what, now. I'm 28 and alittle thicker (of course in all the right places), my hair is shorter (and blonder), and my it girl factor, well lets just say I passed on the torch to the young bucks who will have to learn just like I did.
      Surprisingly I'm much more happier in my life right now, this new arrangement in being confident and single is expressed so differently then when I was 21. In my early twenties I was the most insecure my body wasn't good enough, my hair wasn't long enough, I wasn't sexy enough, I wasn't funny enough, I wasn't bad ass enough, gosh all these thoughts are giving me a headache. But that's what was bouncing around in my over analyzing brain. I was constantly coming up with crazy ass reasons on why I was and never would be good enough, while everyone else thought I had it made in the shade. I was trying so hard to be a Kim Kardashian impersonator with a touch of crazy Lindsey Lohan, the results equaled self destruction which turned into self pity. At this stage of the game  my confidence level is skin deep, deep in my core therefore my whole body is nourished with positive self esteem and positive self image, (I now know that I am the SHIT).
       I want to be confident for reasons that are forever, because lets face it honey, looks fade away then whats left of you. Thats why I've taken upon myself in building up myself, if you don't who will. I'm taking on the motto stepping out of my comfort zone. For once I'm doing things for myself and I'm doing things that I would of never even considered or had the confidence to try for fear, fear of WHAT. What do you have to lose, the answer is NOTHING. Starting this blog, taking exotic classes, and just setting goals that seem unattainable, but are so exciting to try and accomplish I'm on a natural high. Ladies I dare you to get up and go after what you want, the only thing standing in the way is well, YOU!

We break up and make up to make up and break up, aka (dysfunctional relationships) don't be a statistic.

            I know this blog is named "The life of a single girl", but there was a time when I was in a relationship or several for that matter, hell I used to be engaged. I've had my fair share of boyfriends, some were great and some, well lets just say not so much. I must admit to, I was not the perfect girlfriend either. In alot of my break ups I was the culprit. Have you ever been in a dysfunctional relationship or even a dysfunctional hook up? Most people have, including myself. The definition of a dysfunctional relationship is when two people who have no business being together hook up. For some reason dysfunctional people are always drawn to each other. It's like their issues compensate off each other and yes dysfunctional relationships are caused by peoples issues. When you bring baggage into a relationship whether it's daddy issues,  trust issues, or abandonment issues on top of whatever your mate is dealing with, well thats just a recipe for disaster. If your a Jersey Shore fan you would've seen the infamous fight  between Ronnie and Sam. I to once was that girl, always crying and angry because my then boyfriend wasn't ready to settle down, but for some reason he convinced himself that he was. But here's the situation was I really ready to settle down also.
         In my early twenties I had a boyfriend who to this day I still consider the love of my life. We were together for almost three years which I will add is the longest relationship that I have ever been in. The first year was awesome, the honeymoon stage you could say. We had what a relationship is supposed to have trust, honesty, and communication, what could possibly go wrong? Well alot did which is a whole other blog post, but anyway that next year was DRAMA!!!!!!!!! How could one year be like heaven to the next year being a living hell. I mean our relationship was like a terrible rollercoaster that fell off the tracks and headed straight into the ground to only blow up in our faces.
      If you have ever been a drama filled of a mess relationship, you could agree it is one of the most hardest relationships to get out of. When your in a dysfunctional relationship it's like the drama is a black hole and it's determined to suck your body, mind, and spirit into it's dark tunnel. Another reason why it's very hard to get out of a dysfunctional relationship is for some reason you wanna win the battle.The question is what battle, to see who can hurt who the most because thats all it boils down to. How at one point this person meant the world to me, I loved him, and I would've did anything to put a smile on his face. To all of a sudden wanting to plot revenge, lie, and make a fool out of him. How one day I loved this guy and couldn't wait to see his face, to smell his scent. To the next I hated him, wished I never had met him. But at the same time I still loved him, (so confusing). WHAT WENT WRONG, WHERE DID WE GO WRONG? The answer is, we both had issues. To be exact neither one of us was ready for what we were trying to accomplish which was a loving and mature relationship.
      Even though I'm older and have matured tremendously, I still have issues that I'm trying to work through, (also another blog post). I definitely wouldn't be a good girlfriend to any guy right now. The single life suites me just fine, ha ha. Here's the thing women we have to ask ourselves why do you want to be in a relationship. Second question ask yourself what are my issues, which you should know by now, but some of us are still in denial, (another blog post). Anyway moving on, and the last question to ask yourself is have you honestly worked through your issues and I mean HONESTLY. Ladies don't be a bag lady, I garantee your relationship will head south fast. If you are already in a relationship ask yourself this, Are you purposley plotting revenge on your mate, are you sticking to the arguement at hand, not using recent disagreements to hash out old shit (GET OVER IT). And most important when your not with him does your stomach cramp up. If you answered yes to all three you better reevaluate your relationship and take a good look in the mirror at yourself, and say my name is, and I have issues which is why I'm in a dysfunctional relationship. Once this is tackled the journey is up to you, whether you want to be in a mature and loving relationship or the alternative.