As women we are blessed to meet and become friends with other women who share similar interest and who also bring something different into our lives, OUR GIRLS! I have about 3 females that I consider my girls, I have their backs and I know that they have mine. I've had some experiences in the past when the girl code went completely out the window, sometimes due to my bad behavior and sometimes due to a friends bad behavior. Certainly in the past, the phrase girl code didn't have any meaning to it.
First off lets define the phrase girl code. Girl code to me means, rules that are not meant to be broken especially when it comes to your friends. Rules like 1. Keepin it real at, all times. 2. Having her back, at all times. 3. And most importantly do not mess with her man, at all times. Why is it that the last rule I mentioned always seems to be broken. Well ladies I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, 1. Attention seeking, some women lets face it their night is completely ruined, not unless their ego is boosted. The sad part is, they probably don't even want that particular man they just want that particular fix. 2. Desperation, some women are afraid to be single for whatever reason they are willing to compromise friendships and relationships with people they care about just to have a connection with a man. 3. Jealously, ladies I say this as a warning, their are people in your life who claim that they care about you, but in their warped minds they are plotting against you and well sleeping with your man it's the perfect way to show you that you aint so perfect. I know this because, I've experienced all three senarios.
I have been the girl who for that one night needed a guy to make my self esteem soar to the sky, no matter who it was and even if I knew he had a girl and even if possibly I knew who she was. There were times in my life where I tried to make connections with men who I knew use to date, mess, or even go with a girl that I knew, but hey I figured he's single, I'm single lets mingle. And I've had girls in my life purposely set out to destroy my connections with men just to spite me, (maybe it's karma).
I know now it wasn't right, none of it. Ladies if a man is right for you, you wouldn't have to sneak, lie, or cheat just to be with him. You don't have to destroy friendships and relationships just to say you gotta man. And you certainly don't have to sell yourself short just to get your ego boosted.
Have faith and patience that your perfect man meant just for you will appear at the right time, in the right moment. In the mean time learn ways to boost your own self esteem and own ego.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Daddy Issues
Most of us have them, most are in denial, and most just don't want to admit it. Admit what, well daddy issues of course. Some might even ask, what if I don't know my father, or what if he was never around? Well sista I hate to break it to you, but your in the same category right along with us. Yes, I included myself, I'll be the first to admit that I have some serious daddy issues and still working through them.
In my case my father was in my life and still is, in fact my parents have been married for twenty-nine years. My father has always held down a good job, provided for the family, and always has had my best interest at heart. Looking back I never had to want or need for anything, even to this day. But you see there was something always lacking, something that no amount of money and presents could ever replace and that was him. I needed him and all of him, his mind, heart, and soul. Reading this you might think, woman he is not your man, but your missing the whole picture. You see a father is suppose to be a little girls first positive male role model in her life. Your father is suppose to set the foundation of how you are to be treated by any man that comes into your life. Your father is suppose to be an example of what kind of man you eventually would want to settle down with. And most importantly your father is suppose to set the tone of how you think, feel, and treat yourself throughout your life. The sad reality is most little girls do not get that fairy tale father figure, including myself.
Don't get me wrong I love my father very deeply and I know he loves me much more then I could ever dream of, but he will never show it, my father was and will never be an emotional person. It's hard because sometimes I wish he would tell me how beautiful I am, how proud he is, and that he loves me. But, he thinks and feels that I should already know this especially through his gifts and trips that he plans. I can count on one hand how many times my father told me I was pretty and I can count on one hand how many times he said I love you. My mother tried and tries to say the exact things, that I've always longed for my father to tell me, but it's not the same, because daughters need that father figure bond.
When I was younger I looked for love and attention in all the wrong places, I wanted so bad for a male figure to love me that I sold myself short. I was so use to my unemotional dad and always fighting for his attention whether good and bad, that I didn't noticed I was selecting men for romantic relationships who possessed that same trait. Growing up I was so used to my nonexistent relationship with my father, well as an adult that's exactly what kind of relationships that I was envolved in, nonexistent. Once I got older, I figured out the negative cycle I was getting myself into and I knew I had to do something about it. What did I do you ask, I decided to work on my relationship with my father. I had to learn to forgive him and accept him for who he is. I know my father will never be like the dad from full house or leave it to beaver and I'm ok with that. I know my father loves me and is proud of me, he may not show it the way I want him to, but he does in his little way.
I'm blessed that I am able to rebuild my relationship with my father, because I know many people who can't, and I say to them LET IT GO. Don't hold on to all that burden, hurt, or even anger. If your father is or was never around due to his neglect, well his loss. His loss that he didn't get to meet a strong, beautiful, and vibrant, daughter who would've lit up his life with her warm and contagious smile. We as women with daddy issues have got to move on whether it's accepting the situation for what it is and who they are or even forgiving them and most importantly forgiving ourselves. Now that I'm older I can't keep blaming my dad for what he didn't do when I was child, I look at what he is doing and how he is always there for me when the times get tough. I have to let go and let him in, because belive it or not my romantic relationships will suffer. Ladies I promise if you tackle this issue whether your dad is around or not, I promise a huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and you will be amazed at how your romantic relationships will become more positive. Daddy issues are so imbedded in us that we don't even realize it is an issue. And its more common then many people may realize.
In my case my father was in my life and still is, in fact my parents have been married for twenty-nine years. My father has always held down a good job, provided for the family, and always has had my best interest at heart. Looking back I never had to want or need for anything, even to this day. But you see there was something always lacking, something that no amount of money and presents could ever replace and that was him. I needed him and all of him, his mind, heart, and soul. Reading this you might think, woman he is not your man, but your missing the whole picture. You see a father is suppose to be a little girls first positive male role model in her life. Your father is suppose to set the foundation of how you are to be treated by any man that comes into your life. Your father is suppose to be an example of what kind of man you eventually would want to settle down with. And most importantly your father is suppose to set the tone of how you think, feel, and treat yourself throughout your life. The sad reality is most little girls do not get that fairy tale father figure, including myself.
Don't get me wrong I love my father very deeply and I know he loves me much more then I could ever dream of, but he will never show it, my father was and will never be an emotional person. It's hard because sometimes I wish he would tell me how beautiful I am, how proud he is, and that he loves me. But, he thinks and feels that I should already know this especially through his gifts and trips that he plans. I can count on one hand how many times my father told me I was pretty and I can count on one hand how many times he said I love you. My mother tried and tries to say the exact things, that I've always longed for my father to tell me, but it's not the same, because daughters need that father figure bond.
When I was younger I looked for love and attention in all the wrong places, I wanted so bad for a male figure to love me that I sold myself short. I was so use to my unemotional dad and always fighting for his attention whether good and bad, that I didn't noticed I was selecting men for romantic relationships who possessed that same trait. Growing up I was so used to my nonexistent relationship with my father, well as an adult that's exactly what kind of relationships that I was envolved in, nonexistent. Once I got older, I figured out the negative cycle I was getting myself into and I knew I had to do something about it. What did I do you ask, I decided to work on my relationship with my father. I had to learn to forgive him and accept him for who he is. I know my father will never be like the dad from full house or leave it to beaver and I'm ok with that. I know my father loves me and is proud of me, he may not show it the way I want him to, but he does in his little way.
I'm blessed that I am able to rebuild my relationship with my father, because I know many people who can't, and I say to them LET IT GO. Don't hold on to all that burden, hurt, or even anger. If your father is or was never around due to his neglect, well his loss. His loss that he didn't get to meet a strong, beautiful, and vibrant, daughter who would've lit up his life with her warm and contagious smile. We as women with daddy issues have got to move on whether it's accepting the situation for what it is and who they are or even forgiving them and most importantly forgiving ourselves. Now that I'm older I can't keep blaming my dad for what he didn't do when I was child, I look at what he is doing and how he is always there for me when the times get tough. I have to let go and let him in, because belive it or not my romantic relationships will suffer. Ladies I promise if you tackle this issue whether your dad is around or not, I promise a huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders and you will be amazed at how your romantic relationships will become more positive. Daddy issues are so imbedded in us that we don't even realize it is an issue. And its more common then many people may realize.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Getting My Sexy Back
Recently I attended a birthday party, where we induldged in some erotic fun. I mean yes, I got on the pole, the stripper pole that is. We also were taught very seductive lap dance moves, that made me wish I had someone to show them to. The whole experience was very sexually liberating and gave me a sense of sexual confidence that I never had felt before. There was a time in my life where I always didn't feel that way about myself, but I had alot of people fooled including myself.
See when I was younger, I looked like I had it all, but the key word is LOOKED, I looked like I had it all. I was young firm and certain body parts stayed up when the clothes came off. My dating life (back then, not now) was at it's peak, boy after boy and date after date, life couldn't get any better then this, so I thought. I thought I felt confident, I knew I was sexy, I knew what the boys wanted, but why was there this lingering self doubt looming over my head, why did having the so-called perfect body, the silky jet black long hair, and the right it girl factor wasn't good enough. Well ladies because, IT'S ALL SUPERFICIAL! Superficial thoughts gain superficial results. The sad thing was I didn't learn about this til, guess what, now. I'm 28 and alittle thicker (of course in all the right places), my hair is shorter (and blonder), and my it girl factor, well lets just say I passed on the torch to the young bucks who will have to learn just like I did.
Surprisingly I'm much more happier in my life right now, this new arrangement in being confident and single is expressed so differently then when I was 21. In my early twenties I was the most insecure my body wasn't good enough, my hair wasn't long enough, I wasn't sexy enough, I wasn't funny enough, I wasn't bad ass enough, gosh all these thoughts are giving me a headache. But that's what was bouncing around in my over analyzing brain. I was constantly coming up with crazy ass reasons on why I was and never would be good enough, while everyone else thought I had it made in the shade. I was trying so hard to be a Kim Kardashian impersonator with a touch of crazy Lindsey Lohan, the results equaled self destruction which turned into self pity. At this stage of the game my confidence level is skin deep, deep in my core therefore my whole body is nourished with positive self esteem and positive self image, (I now know that I am the SHIT).
I want to be confident for reasons that are forever, because lets face it honey, looks fade away then whats left of you. Thats why I've taken upon myself in building up myself, if you don't who will. I'm taking on the motto stepping out of my comfort zone. For once I'm doing things for myself and I'm doing things that I would of never even considered or had the confidence to try for fear, fear of WHAT. What do you have to lose, the answer is NOTHING. Starting this blog, taking exotic classes, and just setting goals that seem unattainable, but are so exciting to try and accomplish I'm on a natural high. Ladies I dare you to get up and go after what you want, the only thing standing in the way is well, YOU!
See when I was younger, I looked like I had it all, but the key word is LOOKED, I looked like I had it all. I was young firm and certain body parts stayed up when the clothes came off. My dating life (back then, not now) was at it's peak, boy after boy and date after date, life couldn't get any better then this, so I thought. I thought I felt confident, I knew I was sexy, I knew what the boys wanted, but why was there this lingering self doubt looming over my head, why did having the so-called perfect body, the silky jet black long hair, and the right it girl factor wasn't good enough. Well ladies because, IT'S ALL SUPERFICIAL! Superficial thoughts gain superficial results. The sad thing was I didn't learn about this til, guess what, now. I'm 28 and alittle thicker (of course in all the right places), my hair is shorter (and blonder), and my it girl factor, well lets just say I passed on the torch to the young bucks who will have to learn just like I did.
Surprisingly I'm much more happier in my life right now, this new arrangement in being confident and single is expressed so differently then when I was 21. In my early twenties I was the most insecure my body wasn't good enough, my hair wasn't long enough, I wasn't sexy enough, I wasn't funny enough, I wasn't bad ass enough, gosh all these thoughts are giving me a headache. But that's what was bouncing around in my over analyzing brain. I was constantly coming up with crazy ass reasons on why I was and never would be good enough, while everyone else thought I had it made in the shade. I was trying so hard to be a Kim Kardashian impersonator with a touch of crazy Lindsey Lohan, the results equaled self destruction which turned into self pity. At this stage of the game my confidence level is skin deep, deep in my core therefore my whole body is nourished with positive self esteem and positive self image, (I now know that I am the SHIT).
I want to be confident for reasons that are forever, because lets face it honey, looks fade away then whats left of you. Thats why I've taken upon myself in building up myself, if you don't who will. I'm taking on the motto stepping out of my comfort zone. For once I'm doing things for myself and I'm doing things that I would of never even considered or had the confidence to try for fear, fear of WHAT. What do you have to lose, the answer is NOTHING. Starting this blog, taking exotic classes, and just setting goals that seem unattainable, but are so exciting to try and accomplish I'm on a natural high. Ladies I dare you to get up and go after what you want, the only thing standing in the way is well, YOU!
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